The Brave Girl Blog Navigating Friendship Challenges and Confidence

This past week has been filled with enriching experiences aimed at fostering a supportive environment for our children and students. I had the privilege of participating in various workshops and presentations emphasizing the importance of nurturing positive relationships and addressing anxiety in our young ones.

I had the honor of attending the SPACE Workshop led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. This course provided invaluable insights into supporting parents in guiding their anxious children. It reinforced the significance of communication and instilling confidence in our children to navigate life's challenges. I am excited to apply the lessons I learned to the parents and girls that I support.

Next, I was honored to conduct Staff Development Training at Fairview Elementary via Zoom for all their amazing teachers and staff. My presentation focused on "Supporting Positive Friendships in the Classroom." It was heartening to see educators coming together to address the nuances of relational...

In our ongoing discussions about fostering healthy friendships for our daughters, let's delve into one of my favorite analogies that I use with girls.

Picture a scale that exists in relationships with your daughter on one side of the scale, and as she interacts with other people, the scale can go up or down or stay balanced based on the energies that are exchanged.

When these scales are in equilibrium, it reflects a mutual and respectful connection. Each girl contributes to the scale, creating a harmonious exchange that builds genuine friendships. However, there are times when the scales become imbalanced, often stemming from one party trying too hard to please.Imagine your daughter enthusiastically adding positive energy to the scale, wanting to contribute to the friendship. However, if the other side takes advantage or perceives this eagerness as a weakness, the scales tip drastically. The pleaser scale drops significantly compared to the more socially popular girl, leaving an...

As I celebrate another year of life, I find myself reflecting on the past, particularly a poignant memory from my 13th birthday. Turning 13 marked a significant milestone, and I couldn't wait to celebrate with my friends.

On that anticipated day, only one friend was able to attend my sleepover party. The rest were away on a ski trip, leaving me with a mix of embarrassment and hurt. I couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't been a part of that ski trip with them. The disappointment ran deep, and it's a feeling many of us have experienced in our lives.

Friendship disappointments can cut deep, and that experience was no exception. What I've learned as an adult is that we often personalize these situations, making them about ourselves when, in reality, they may not be.

I share this personal story not only as a reflection on my past but to acknowledge the universal struggles that girls face in...

Many parents ask me for advice on supporting their daughters through the emotional turmoil of friendship troubles.

One common question arises: "Should I contact the girl's parents who are being mean to my daughter?"

I understand how confusing and upsetting it is when our daughter's experience hurt, and as a parent, you are actively seeking ways to support her. It's natural to wonder if reaching out to the parents of the girl causing distress would be beneficial.

With three decades of experience working with children and parents, I've found that reaching out to the other parent often doesn't yield the desired results you, as a parent, are hoping for.
Talking to the parents of the child who is causing issues can be complex and delicate.

Plus, there are different factors to consider before contacting the other parent.

The foremost consideration is whether your daughter desires your assistance and believes contacting the other parents would be constructive.

It's crucial to avoid a...

I want to address a poignant question raised by one of my Instagram followers, who expressed concerns about feeling a growing distance between her and her teenage daughter.

It's a challenge many parents face as their children navigate the tumultuous waters of adolescence.

To shed some light on this matter, I turned to Dr. Cam Caswell, an Adolescent Psychologist and Parent Coach, who provides valuable insights into why teens may withdraw from their parents.
Dr. Caswell identifies three key reasons why teens may stop sharing their lives with their parents:

1. Teens Feel a Lack of Active Listening: Teens want to be heard, not just talked at. When parents don't actively listen, it can create a barrier to communication.

2. Feeling Judged: The fear of judgment can be paralyzing for teens. If they sense criticism or disapproval, they may be hesitant to open up.

3. Parental Overreactions: Teens often navigate intense emotions and need a safe space to express themselves. If parents...

In our most recent Brave Girl Tribe call, part of my Life Coaching Virtual program designed for girls in 5th to 8th grade, the girls bravely opened up about their experiences with worry and anxiety. Their courage shed light on a common struggle that many of our tweens and teens face.

This time of year, we often see an increase in worry and anxiety as the demands of school increase, friendship changes and breakdowns happen, and the winter gloomies start.The Fear of Fear: Breaking the Worry Cycle

Some members of the Brave Girl Tribe opened up about fearing their own anxiety, particularly the worry of experiencing a panic attack. It's crucial to recognize that this fear can create a cycle that intensifies anxiety. In our discussions, we've emphasized that avoidance only strengthens worry.

The first step in encouraging our girls to manage their worry and anxiety is to externalize their worry by giving it a name. This helps our girls separate themselves from worry and not get down on...

We all have those moments when our minds seem stuck in a never-ending loop, like a hamster running on a wheel.

Recently, I have found myself on a hamster wheel replaying a problem repeatedly, and I have noticed I am not alone, as many of my coaching clients are also stuck on their own hamster wheels.

That is why I wanted to share with you information about rumination.

Rumination is a term that describes a common pattern of thinking that many of us experience at times. When we are ruminating, we repeatedly focus on a problem, a loss, or a setback without moving forward into taking action.

For parents and teen girls, rumination often involves obsessing about issues, replaying them in your mind, and getting lost in those thoughts. This constant replaying can deepen feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even self-blame. It's like being stuck in a loop where you can't let go of these negative thoughts, which continue to affect your mood and well-being.

It's essential to recognize that,...

Embracing The Magic of Halloween and Growing Up

As we approach the enchanting season of Halloween, I want to take a moment to address a topic that often goes unnoticed but can weigh heavily on our teens and tweens - the bittersweet experience of growing up.

For many of our young girls, Halloween can serve as a poignant reminder of the passage of time and the inevitable shift toward adulthood.

In this blog, we'll explore how to support your teens and tweens as they navigate these complex emotions, acknowledging their sense of loss and offering words of comfort.

 
Halloween: A Time of Transition

Halloween, with its ghosts, goblins, and ghouls, symbolizes the transition from childhood to adulthood in its own way.

As the years pass, our children often find themselves caught between the excitement of celebrating this magical season and the sense of loss as they grow older.

Here's how you can help your teens and tweens during this emotional journey:

Acknowledging Their Feelings:
...

Friendships, as beautiful and fulfilling as they can be, are not always smooth sailing. We've all encountered the stormy seas of misunderstandings, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of maintaining meaningful connections.

In 2016-2017, ROX Institute's Girls Index Survey found that a staggering 76% of girls reported that they believe most girls are in competition with each other. This statistic has left a lasting impression on me and evokes a sense of sadness.

This staggering statistic reminds us of a troubling truth. While friendships hold the potential to be incredible sources of support and joy, they can also become tangled webs of competition and misunderstandings, particularly among young girls. It highlights the urgent need to equip ourselves and our daughters with the tools to foster healthier, more collaborative connections.

How can we help our girls become champions of other girls?

Helping girls become champions of other girls involves fostering a culture of...

In the last blog, we began a journey to help our daughters overcome shyness and anxiety in social situations. We explored the beliefs and assumptions that often contribute to these feelings. Today, we're delving deeper and providing strategies to change those anxiety-provoking thoughts.

Questions For Changing Anxiety-Provoking Thoughts
Examining the evidence is one of the most powerful tools in combatting anxiety-provoking thoughts.

It's crucial to recognize that our beliefs are not facts; they are merely guesses or hypotheses about how things are.

Here are some questions to help both parents and girls navigate this process:

How do I know for sure that my prediction will come true? Challenge the certainty of your thoughts. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen.

What do my past experiences tell me about the likelihood of my thoughts coming true? Reflect on past situations where you had similar ideas. Were your predictions accurate, or did things...